on thoughts and feelings

yesterday, and maybe a few times before that, i've had these thoughts. thoughts that make me think about how lucky i am, how wonderful life is, and how crazy unpredictable it can be. like how i live most of the year in SAN DIEGO, probably the most beautiful city in the US. like how i'm actually an ADULT and i can do whatever i want today and i don't have to ask my parents for permission. it's almost like a letting go. i'm letting go of everything that i've held on to. and i'm becoming. i'm becoming who God created me to be, slowly and surely. but i'm also reaching out, ready to grab hold of the next thing. i feel like i'm in that transition, you know? one arm is holding onto the past, holding onto what i know, what i'm comfortable with and the other arm is reaching out and touching the finger tips of something new, something unknown, but all together wonderful and exciting. yeah, it's a little bit scary...or a lot scary. but what do i have to fear, really? this is life. and it's worth living.

i don't know where my confidence comes from. my best explanation is Him. because He's the only one who actually knows my future. and i can feel Him telling me not to be anxious about it. i'm reaching out to His fingertips and i'm ready for Him to take me wherever He does. 'cause life is just so much more exciting when you don't know and then you're surprised. my heart leaps with joy at this thought. these are the thoughts i've been having this past week. and they're so much better than thoughts about finals, or housing, or other uncertainties that make me worry. because in the end, this world will fade away. finals won't matter. the grades you got in college won't matter. oh, how i look forward to that day. but for now, i'm content living this life that He has blessed me with. in san diego, california with friends i never thought i'd have the pleasure to know, and a hope that i never thought i could feel. what my future holds i will never know for sure. never. but i know He's got it in his hands and that's all i need to know. 'cause He is SO good.

i feel it.

joy.