on death and dying

i just watched the latest grey's anatomy episode. no, i'm not at all ashamed that i watch that show consistently. it's one of the only shows that i do watch. i like the drama, the relationships, the medical (sometimes unrealistic) aspect, the real life that the characters experience. often when i'm watching tv shows or movies, i try to imagine myself in the characters' situation. what would i do if i was in a concentration camp in poland and i had experienced the deaths of all of my family members? would i sacrifice my life for someone else? would i be brave enough to enter a burning building to save someone?

that's what i did today while i was watching grey's. in this episode (sorry if i spoil it for ya) izzie gets married to her love, alex. izze is dying of cancer.
and another part of the story revolves around 5-6 college students who get hit by a semi on their way to their graduation. all but one of them die. on the day of their graduation. a day when they're supposed to be entering the "real world". but those who didn't make it will never see that day. they'll never get married, never have children. they'll never...do SO many things that they wanted to do in their lives. this hits particularly close to home considering i will be a senior soon and off to start a "real life" of my own...
and izzie is dying of cancer. so her friends arrange for her and alex to get married on the day that meredith and derek are supposed to get married. what kind of friends do that? amazing, selfless friends.
i will admit that one of my biggest fears is dying from cancer. i've known many people who have suffered through that horrible disease and i've seen the pain that it caused their family and friends. and so, while i'm watching this episode, i'm thinking to myself: "what attitude would you take if you had cancer and you knew you were going to die soon?" or "how would you react if someone you loved dearly suddenly died or was sick with a terminal illness?"

i can't really answer this. i mean, i wouldn't know for sure unless it actually happened to me, right? alright, so this is a morbid subject. but it's reality. people die.

i took this survey today, a psychological survey assessing how religion relates to maslow's hierarchy of needs. here are some of the statements which i was supposed to respond to with "strongly agree", "agree", "no opinion", "disagree", or "strongly disagree":

belief in a God who provides for one's safety and protection would lead to a greater sense of safety and security in sickness and health.

the death of someone close to me has led/would lead me to hope that something of us survives death and there might be an after-life.

after a close bereavement, i have addressed that person as if they were still alive and had survived death.

for some reason, i found myself seriously considering my answer to these questions. do i really have an unquestioning faithfulness in Him, a faithfulness that would give me a greater sense of safety and security even if i was dying or if someone i loved was? i have to. i have to believe. beacause that's what gets me through the everyday, stupid little things that i worry and freak out about that are so insignificant next to death. his faithfulness is what allows me to persevere and overcome. and it's His love for me that fuels my fire and ignites my passion. so i have to believe that when things are REALLY dark and twisty and the end is near, i will turn to Him with confidence and trust and hope. and i know that He will give me a sense of peace, of understanding. yeah, He will be at the end of that tunnel. 'cause He has already overcome death itself. i mean, He pretty much slapped it in the face. and so what have i to fear? i think it's fear that is ultimately what keeps us from facing death. it's the fear of losing what we have here in the world. but He has tresures for us in heaven. treaures. for us.

so, what is death compared to God's unfailing love for us? if izzie believes in Him (let's not make assumptions), she has nothing to fear. so when i put myself in her shoes or those of someone she loves, i can say: bring it on.