on a future not our own

it helps now and then to step back and take a long view.

The Kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,

it is beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a fraction

of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.

Northing we do is complete, which is another way of

saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said.

No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession

brings perfection, no pastoral visit brings wholeness.

No program accomplishes the Church's mission.

No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one

day will grow. We water the seeds already planted

knowing that they hold future promise.

We lay foundations that will need further development.

We provide yeast that produces effects

far beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of

liberation in realizing this.

This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.

It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning,

a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's

grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.

We are workers, not master builders, ministers, not

messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own.

- Archbishop Oscar Romero

on community

community :. friends, fellowship, support, encouragement, trust, affirmation, sacrifice, love.

i cannot express the overwhelming sense of community i feel right now. from all around. in many ways, in many parts of my life. it's amazing. being in tijuana for a week changed my ordinary definition of community into something extraordinary. my experiences literally redefined the term for me. i felt a renewed sense of what it means to be in community. and i'm still feeling it.

and in my theology class, i'm discovering how jesus defined community. it's something so beautiful that it almost seems unattainable. it's everyone together, sharing, listening, eating, including, not judging, as equals. as the children of one God. no one feels excluded or left out. no one is lesser. no one is first. no one needs. everyone provides.

as i head closer and closer to leaving the communities that i so cherish, i find myself clinging more and more tightly to them and becoming more and more anxious to separate myself from them. and each day my love for the people in these communities grows. and this love fills me with a joy that is so full. full of life. oh, how i love to feel this joy and long for it to spread to all those around me.

thank you, LORD. i am full.

on priveledge

tijuana spring breakthrough was a challenging, inspiring, fruitful, and REAL experience for me. i saw so many things and met so many people that have really made me think and reflect on my priveledge - the blessings i have that i did nothing to deserve.

honestly, i felt a lot of guilt while in mexico. how different my life is from many of those i met in tijuana. and only because i was born into a different situation, a different environment, family, country than these beautiful people. as we drove through the unpaved streets of communities like maclovia rojas and la morita, where the people live in tiny homes along unpaved streets, i couldn't help but think whether or not i could be happy living in the conditions the people of those communities live in. i wondered whether or not i would willingly give up every luxury i have - my iphone, my ipod, my laptop, a soft, warm bed, running water, a washer and dryer, an abundance of clothes, a tv, my car - and live more simply. and i found myself feeling so guilty because i just couldn't imagine it.

a certain scripture passage kept entering my mind this past week:

matthew 19:21

Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

jesus' words just kept playing over and over again in my head. i am struggling to discern what this means. the most outstanding point that i get from this passage is that jesus says to sell your possessions and give to the poor FIRST and THEN come and follow him. and i believe that jesus meant what he said.

the possessions that i have are nothing. they are objects, creations of the world. they are not friendship, fellowship, love, and community. they are not faith. they don't/shouldn't determine who i am.

on the ups and downs of baking

i've been baking a lot. two, maybe three times a week. it's pretty amazing. i've been trying some new recipes, too. most have been fabulously successful and i'm sure the ones that weren't successful would have been if i'd know a little more about baking.

example #1:

a little over a week ago i tried out a new banana bread recipe. i know, i know. why? why would i do such a thing when the recipe i have has been using from the beginning, the recipe that started it all, the recipe that fills tummies with pure joy each time it's baked, is pretty much PERFECT?...well, i'd been browsing other recipes, perhaps sinfully, and thought that maybe it was time to break away from the tried and true and enter unknown territory. i found this wonderful sounding oatmeal banana bread recipe on a baking blog that i follow and since i had three bananas sitting around, i thought i'd give it a whirl. i was skeptical of my ability to follow this recipe since it called for egg whites to be beaten until stiff peaks form. okay, so this technique was a little out of my league. up until now, i'd stuck to the simple crack-the-egg-in-the-bowl kind of recipe. but gosh darn it if i'm ever going to be a real baker i need to learn new things! so i tried. i tried very hard to maneuver the egg whites out of the shell and into the bowl while keeping the yolk out. turns out that's not as easy as it might sound. so my two egg whites had a few egg yellows floating around with them. i thought i could get by with this small error, but, alas, i beat those eggs into oblivion and no stiff peaks formed. all they did was get really foamy and more yellow-y looking. well, dang. i wasn't going to just toss out everything i'd already done so far so i just tossed my well-beaten half-egg whites, half-yolks into the batter and hoped for the best. now, the bread came out looking like bread and was even edible. yet it didn't have the gooey moistness of the bread i usually make - it was dry by day 2. i guess this could just be because this recipe didn't have as much butter and oil in it as the one i usually use, but my heart tells me it was because of my egg white failure.

lesson learned: buy an egg-separator thingy. and learn how to make stiff peaks.

example #2:

this evening i decided to make oatmeal raisin cookies for iv tomorrow night. i love to bake and share my goodies with others. as with the banana bread, i found a delicious sounding oatmeal raisin cookie recipe on a baking blog. making the batter was no problemo. the best part was adding the 3 CUPS of oatmeal and 2 CUPS of raisins! yessss. the instructions told me to line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and stick 'em in the oven for 16-18 minutes. easy, right? well, okay. i have a confession to make. or maybe i general piece of knowledge to spread. parchment paper DOES NOT equal wax paper. in fact, baking with wax paper causes serious problems. yeah, i put those two cookie sheets lined with wax paper in the oven and what do you know? smoke begins to billow out of the oven and our fire alarm goes off. at this point i am still unaware of the effect heat has on wax paper, so i blame it on the raisins. (note: this is actually good reasoning because last time i baked cookies with raisins, that same thing happened. oh, yeah, and those cookies were on wax paper, too) it was not until the final batch of cookies were baking and i had opened all the windows in the condo, stood under the fire alarm waving a towel at it so it wouldn't go off, and cursed at the oven numerous times that my roommate, fran, finally helped me realize that maybe it was the WAX PAPER. maybe it was her comment that her room smelled like burning crayons that finally clicked off a light in my brain. ahh. WAX paper. it probably melts under heat. and it's probably NOT the same as parchment paper.

lesson learned: don't bake with wax paper. and don't blame it on the raisins.

the oatmeal raisin cookies turned out fine. they might be poisoned by melting wax, but i've eaten two and haven't perished thus yet, so hopefully they're okay. i guess i need to expand my baking knowledge. i can follow a recipe, but i don't know much of anything about technique or what certain ingredients do to a recipe. i'd love to take a class someday.

ah, well. without mistakes we'd never learn, right?

on pandora and other simple joys

okay, pandora. how in the heck do you do it? everytime i listen to you, you amaze me with your ability to select the best songs and work in those ones that are my favorites. i could listen to you for hours and never get bored. may the LORD bless your creativity, freeness, and ability to provide hours of entertainment. ptl for pandora!

other things i take delight in:

licking the spoon/bowl after (and before) baking

shopping at trader joe's

rain showers

running without headphones in my ears

reading baking blogs

browsing used book stores

dreaming

the smell and sounds of horses

on valentine's day

i don't like this "holiday". and it's not because i've never had a boyfriend on valentine's day. it's because i really think that the fact that we need to have a holiday to remind us to love one another is maybe a little pathetic. and while pretty flowers, chocolate, and fancy dinners are nice they are not love. okay, so maybe i'm feeling a little pessimistic. but shouldn't we "love" one another every day of the year? except in the true sense of what it means to love - to be selfless, patient, kind, forgiving, sharing, sacrificing, to not be judgmental. this is the kind of love that awakens the soul.

i think i've come up with my lenten...thing. to spread love. to express to those i love how much they mean to me, how much i care about them, and how i am so glad to have them in my life no matter what day it is. to take the words "i love you" and put them into action. to make everyday valentine's day....cheesy as it may sound.

on the joys of grocery shopping

shopping for food is one of my favorite things to do, especially since i've been hitting up the less mundane grocery stores like trader joe's, henry's, and the local farmer's markets. it sounds pretty ridiculous, but i think i could spend hours perusing the aisles, both concrete and tiled, noting the large variety of stuff that's out there these days. this morning i went to the hillcrest farmer's market after going on a run in balboa park. it was packed, as usual. i made my way up and down the produce aisles first, taking note of prices and deciding on which goodies i wanted the most. on my way back around i happened to stumble upon the "cookie guy" that i had been longing to see for quite some time, but never could find. turns out there were two cookies guys selling marvelous looking cookies that were all quite unique. i sampled the cinnamon roll cookie, which basically tasted like a large cinnabon compacted into a cookie. they also had a red velvet cookie, which looked amazing, and a birthday cake variety that looked equally delicious. i probably would have bought one of each to try had it not been for the $2 per cookie price. the good thing is that i found the cookie guys and will make sure i have enough money to buy some of their cookies next time. they're called "410 degrees".

i also love how most of the produce farms have fresh samples of their produce for you to try...and they don't care how many times you come back to taste them. one stand had some samples of cantaloupe that were SO sweet and juicy. i had to remind myself that i needed to save my money for tamales so i wouldn't buy one. just another one of those things i'm gonna get next time. and, oh yes, how could i forget. i stopped by a cheese stand that i'd never noticed before and took some samples. the lady was handing out strawberries dipped in "quark" which basically tastes like cheesecake! it was amazing delicious, like a dessert. i'm not sure what quark is, but it sounds interesting. wikipedia that.

and i have come to the conclusion that farmer's markets are the only way to shop for produce and fresh, well made stuff. plus, it's quite fun!

i also decided to stop by whole foods because i heard that they sold grass fed beef. i'm planning on making chili, so i needed some quality cow meat. it actually ended up being on sale for $5.99/lb, which i thought wasn't too expensive. the whole foods store in hillcrest (and i'm sure every other whole foods) is like eye candy for the foodie. there's sooo much to take in. food i've never seen or heard of! and most of their stuff is proclaimed as organic. they have a whole aisle of gluten-free options and i'm sure vegans and vegetarians have a hay day there. i wish i could have spent more time browsing the aisles, but i was hungry and being in a grocery store when you're hungry is not a good thing. i'm definitely going to return at some point in the near future when i have lots of time to leisurely peruse the store.

long live grocery shopping!