when you grow up, you have to make all these decisions that may or may not determine how the rest of your life goes - school, career, relationships, where to live, etc. i'd like to think that i am pretty sure of where i want to be and what i want to do, but i'd be lying if i said i never had doubts or second thoughts. i have some people who are pulling me one way and others who are telling me i should go another way. my question is: will i ever really know anything for sure, with 100% of me, that what i'm doing is what i'm "supposed" to be doing? that i'm really following God's call, his will for me? part of me thinks i can never be sure of this until i'm actually there. because as much as i try to discern what's from God and what are just my own selfish desires, i can't ever feel 100% confident about my decisions until i've made them. right? so, i guess that means that i need to be more brave, to take risks knowing that Jesus is with me no matter where i end up.
spending this past weekend with my parents made me realize even more how much i love them and how valuable they are to me. a couple of times during the weekend i randomly wondered how long my parents would be here, on this earth, with me. i mean, i don't know how long they will be living. sounds morbid, but it's true. and it's scary. what if that was the last time i ever saw my parents? it's a reality of life that we - i - often take for granted. i go through my day assuming that i will see all my friends again, but that's not necessarily true. life is fragile. love is forever.
it reminds me of something that scott said in his talk last week: if we aren't who we want to be now, how will we ever truly be who we want to be? what's holding us back from being who we want to be NOW? if we don't strive to love completely, fully, and wholly now, when will we? why do we hold back? what if we never get the chance? now is the chance to be who we want to be, to love like we want to love. the kingdom of God is now. what're we waiting for?
